This fucking sucks. 10 – 12 hour work days with months to go. I leave an empty clapboard apartment and return to the same. Podcasts, spurning and spurned lovers my only human contact and only through this phone. It’s bullshit. I’ve led myself into this hated corner time and again. At first I didn’t know to despise it now I do but feel too far in to escape it. Long days, short nights, grating technological addictions and failure to engage with anyone around me, family, or distant friends in any real way. Take a privileged circumstance and plane it down to a flat foggy grey sterile emotional landscape. Blue glow on my face. Vomiting pasta. Tightening the vice on my dumb heart. No Houdini that one.